If you haven’t read Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert, I suggest you do. In the book, she talks about having a conversation with the life long fear that slowed her progress. I have been thinking about this a lot lately and realized that even though I do have fear sometimes, my need for perfect “security” is what usually stops me dead in my tracks.
What if it is not safe?
What if I lose it all?
What if this really isn’t the right path and I end up failing?
Being fully open, honest, vulnerable and especially bold also threatens my sense of security, so as I usually do now a days, I though; “time to say screw it, and go for it!” Below is the letter that I wrote to security this morning.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for protecting me when I couldn’t protect myself. You made it possible for the sensitive, gay kid to make it into adulthood. You taught me how to navigate a narcissistic upbringing without losing myself and you kept me safe. I know you are always going to be with me because I guess that’s just how we roll!
Right now, however, I need you to take some much-needed time off. You have been working so hard for the last 48 years and your service has been invaluable. I have recently met Possibilities and his twin brother Adventure and they are inviting me on a journey. I have decided to go with them. Actually, I have chosen them to come along with me. Don’t worry…you are coming too! I still need you with me, just in a different way. So here’s what I want… I need you to whisper in my ear only when and if there is really BIG danger. Otherwise, I invite you to just relax and let me design my life with out “beating around the bush” or devising a complex, safe plan to get what I want. You see, no one can harm us because I won’t let them! So, I plan on living my life of possibilities and adventure in an authentic way, whether or not others approve. It just doesn’t matter anymore what they think.
It’s you and me, and some new faces on this trip. You are always part of the crew and hold a special place in my heart. This time, I want you to relax and enjoy the ride.
All My Love,
“Who” do you need to write to?